<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/11026729?origin\x3dhttp://gab-gabb-gabby.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script> <!-- --> <div id="b-navbar"> <a href="http://www.blogger.com/" id="b-logo" title="Go to Blogger.com"> <img src="http://www.blogger.com/img/navbar/3/logobar.gif" alt="Blogger" width="80" height="24" /> </a> <form id="b-search" action="http://www.google.com/search"> <div id="b-more"> <a href="http://www.blogger.com/" id="b-getorpost"> <img src="http://www.blogger.com/img/navbar/3/btn_getblog.gif" alt="Get your own blog" width="112" height="15" /> </a> <a href="http://www.blogger.com/redirect/next_blog.pyra?navBar=true" id="b-next"> <img src="http://www.blogger.com/img/navbar/3/btn_nextblog.gif" alt="Next blog" width="72" height="15" /> </a> </div> <div id="b-this"> <input type="text" id="b-query" name="q" /> <input type="hidden" name="ie" value="UTF-8" /> <input type="hidden" name="sitesearch" value="w0ainii.blogspot.com" /> <input type="image" src="http://www.blogger.com/img/navbar/3/btn_search.gif" alt="Search" value="Search" id="b-searchbtn" title="Search this blog with Google" /> <a href="javascript:BlogThis();" id="b-blogthis"> BlogThis!</a> </div></form></div> <script type="text/javascript"> <!--function BlogThis() {Q='';x=document;y=window;if(x.selection) {Q=x.selection.createRange().text;} else if (y.getSelection) { Q=y.getSelection();} else if (x.getSelection) { Q=x.getSelection();}popw = y.open('http://www.blogger.com/blog_this.pyra?t=' + escape(Q) + '&u=' + escape(location.href) + '&n=' + escape(document.title),'bloggerForm', 'scrollbars=no,width=475,height=300,top=175,left=75,status=yes,resizable=yes');void(0);}--> </script> <div id="space-for-ie"> </div>
i want to dance beside a frozen lake :: where the snowflakes gently fall from the sky :: the hair swaying in the chilly wind :: as the still moments of the winter everning :: is enlightened by me ::

My Contradictions.

- SEVENTEEN yet EIGHTEEN.
- SOPHISTICATED yet SIMPLE.
- WILD yet TAME.
- CRAZY yet NORMAL.
- BITCHY yet KIND.
- SLUTTISH yet DEMURE.
- FRANK yet SHY.
- CHILDISH yet MATURE.
- DEVILISH yet ANGELIC.
- NARCISSISTIC yet SELFLESS.
- CONFUSED yet SURE.
- FICKLE yet CONSISTENT.
- SELFISH yet GIVING.
- FIERCE yet GENTLE.
- ANNOYING yet LOVABLE.
- HEARTLESS yet SENTIMENTAL.
- SCHEMING yet NAIVE.
- LAZY yet HARDWORKING.
- RETARDED yet INTELLIGENT.
- IGNORANT yet KNOWLEDGEABLE.
- UNFEELING yet CARING.
- SLOPPY yet TIDY.
- IMAGINATIVE yet REALISTIC.
- PESSIMISTIC yet OPTIMISTIC.
- INTROVERTED yet EXTROVERTED.


My Loves.

- ME.MYSELF.I.
- MONEY.
- COMPUTER.
- HAND PHONE.
- CAMERA.
- CHILDREN.
- MIRRORS.
- MAKE UP.
- BITCHING.
- GOSSIPING.
- CRITICIZING.
- SLACKING.


My Hates.

- BEING BROKE.
- BEING SCOLDED.
- BEING BACKSTABBED.
- EMPTY VESSELS.
- HYPOCRITES.
- REPEAT OFFENDERS.
- COMPUTER BREAKDOWN.

My Tagboard.


My Archives.

click here to go to my new blog skin!!

Saturday, May 13, 2006


dear, wo bu hui dui diao ni de.


to random ppl, stfu. call me stupid/dumb/retarded/idiotic/crazy i dont care. there's like nth anyone can do. so stop brging me in circles, putting funny thoughts and images in my head, making me think otherwise of our relationship.


1st it was my parents when i was with fendy, talking to me in that weird tone and telling me abt the future which will never happen, resulting in me ending the once upon a time perfect relationship with him. not to mention the many paranoid illusions i had when we quarrelled.


even now, without my parent's constant nagging, friends are making sam and me shaky. i have like had enough. yes i'm mentally weak tt's y they can penatrate into my skull with their distorted views. no more. just stop it. STOP.


i do not want to break up with him. so just shut up and listen to me. stop telling me everything bad and make me paranoid over every single thing. enough is enough. i hate the way i always listen to everything EXCEPT my own heart.


and by the time i DO listen to it, everything is over and irreversible. there is no turning back. i just want to move on now. stop comparing. i dont want to anymore. it makes me even more miserable knowing that my life then and now is totally different.


i ask 4 opinions. but dont force me to accept it. i constantly complain and talk about my problems, but dont expect me to give up. i'm a girl of contradictions, of irony. i like who i am. dont make me change into someone i'm not.


i like my life now. i like the way my classmates shower concern over me. i like the way kraken listens and gives me soothing words of comfort. i like the way swts n dear pamper me with their "i love you" and the way they freak out when i do sth silly.


i dont wana destroy any of that. i hate the voice in my head. its back to haunt me, telling me the distorted facts of life. i'm trapped in a circle, running ard aimlessly, trying to find a way out into the real world. i dont want to hurt myself. but it just seem so tempting...


dear was smelling my fingers to check if i smoked. i wanted to. but joyce was so fierce just now. i couldnt even get a lighter with her by my side. blahs. its diffcult not to do anything when u're near to depressed. oh yes, thank God for donald last night. =D


so i almost suceeded in not hurting myself. i didnt smoke nor cut myself. i did drink though, just a lil. so please, ppl out there, dont make me do things i dont want to. stop telling me everything's wrong. dont tell me i'm stupid. dont make me sway when i just got hold of myself.


enough of emo shit. sorry dear. =(


anw, went to bugis with joyce just now. bought 2 tops and i'm happy i didnt return home empty handed. like wtf la. ytd when i withdrawed $20 for the cab fare to riverview hotel, i had about $350 in my account.


today after i withdrawed $30 for my tops, i had about $270 left. omg. can u imagine how much i spent on food?! i seriously need to cut down on eating! cant go on or i'll be fat, later dear dun wan me i go bang my head on the wall to fufill my sexy funeral dream. LOL.


met dear after shopping to watch him play bball. yawns. i still dont understand the damn rules of the game, but i just like to watch them fight over the stupid ball, and they way they curse n swear when the ball ALMOST goes into the basket. hahahas.


after watching him play, i went to meet my parents 4 dinner at the coffee shop beside the cc. wanted to go back to watch them play, but was rather tired. tralalalalas. i like my 2 new tops. lols. fancy going gaga over little stuffs.


been awhile since i bought earrings and such. =(

i wan pretty earrings!!!


blah blah blah. i seriously need to rest and do my homework. let's see. there's OBC practical and tutorial, ICBE lab report and tutorial, EM1 MOL and lecture plus CATS project. OMFG!! i need to get started!!


gng m'sia tmr. tatahhs ppl. =D







"Pushing Me Away"


I've lied to you
The same way that I always do
This is the last smile
That I'll fake for the sake of being with you



Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown
Eventually break down



The sacrifice of hiding in a lie


Everything has to end
You'll soon find we're out of time left
To watch it all unwind



The sacrifice is never knowing


Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see you're testing me pushes me away
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see your testing me pushes me away



I've tried like you
To do everything you wanted too
This is the last time
I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you



Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown
Eventually break down



The sacrifice of hiding in a lie


Everything has to end
You'll soon find we're out of time left
To watch it all unwind



The sacrifice is never knowing


Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see you're testing me pushes me away
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see you're testing me pushes me away



We're all out of time
This is how we find how it all unwinds



The sacrifice of hiding in a lie


We're all out of time
This is how we find how it all unwinds



The sacrifice is never knowing


Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see you're testing me pushes me away
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see you're testing me pushes me away



Pushes me away...



Permalink.
IDreamtOfYouAt.

9:35 PM



[-THE.love*--] flows from your heart