- ii justt needd somee timee. *

i want to dance beside a frozen lake :: where the snowflakes gently fall from the sky :: the hair swaying in the chilly wind :: as the still moments of the winter everning :: is enlightened by me ::

My Contradictions.

- SEVENTEEN yet EIGHTEEN.
- SOPHISTICATED yet SIMPLE.
- WILD yet TAME.
- CRAZY yet NORMAL.
- BITCHY yet KIND.
- SLUTTISH yet DEMURE.
- FRANK yet SHY.
- CHILDISH yet MATURE.
- DEVILISH yet ANGELIC.
- NARCISSISTIC yet SELFLESS.
- CONFUSED yet SURE.
- FICKLE yet CONSISTENT.
- SELFISH yet GIVING.
- FIERCE yet GENTLE.
- ANNOYING yet LOVABLE.
- HEARTLESS yet SENTIMENTAL.
- SCHEMING yet NAIVE.
- LAZY yet HARDWORKING.
- RETARDED yet INTELLIGENT.
- IGNORANT yet KNOWLEDGEABLE.
- UNFEELING yet CARING.
- SLOPPY yet TIDY.
- IMAGINATIVE yet REALISTIC.
- PESSIMISTIC yet OPTIMISTIC.
- INTROVERTED yet EXTROVERTED.

My Loves.

- ME.MYSELF.I.
- MONEY.
- COMPUTER.
- HAND PHONE.
- CAMERA.
- CHILDREN.
- MIRRORS.
- MAKE UP.
- BITCHING.
- GOSSIPING.
- CRITICIZING.
- SLACKING.

My Hates.

- BEING BROKE.
- BEING SCOLDED.
- BEING BACKSTABBED.
- EMPTY VESSELS.
- HYPOCRITES.
- REPEAT OFFENDERS.
- COMPUTER BREAKDOWN.

My Tagboard.

My Archives.

March 2005

April 2005

May 2005

June 2005

July 2005

August 2005

September 2005

October 2005

November 2005

December 2005

January 2006

February 2006

March 2006

April 2006

May 2006

June 2006

July 2006

August 2006

September 2006

My Links.

-=| Alvin. |=-

-=| Amanda. |=-

-=| Blogger. |=-

-=| Brenda. |=-

-=| Chuan Ru. |=-

-=| Claudia. |=-

-=| Darren. |=-

-=| Desmond. |=-

-=| Eleanna. |=-

-=| Eugene. |=-

-=| Fatin. |=-

-=| Fiona. |=-

-=| Gabriel. |=-

-=| Hazwan. |=-

-=| Huang Zhi. |=-

-=| Jasmine. |=-

-=| Jessica. |=-

-=| Jiaxin. |=-

-=| Jieying. |=-

-=| Joni. |=-

-=| Joyee. |=-

-=| Kenneth. |=-

-=| Phyllis. |=-

-=| Rhoda. |=-

-=| Rosalind. |=-

-=| Saky. |=-

-=| Shahidatul. |=-

-=| Siti Adawiyah. |=-

-=| Steph. |=-

-=| Steven. |=-

-=| Wan Juan. |=-

-=| Weng Lum. |=-

-=| Xia Xue. |=-

-=| Yvonne. |=-

I Love You.

We never really noticed each other.
Or at least I never noticed you.
But now you are my fantasy.
My wonderful dream come true.

Your eyes met mine.
And mine met yours.
The story of Sleeping Beauty.
Riding on a horse.

Often I think of you.
And wonder if you think of me.
I just want to be there with you.
Through times of thick and thin.

Many a time I neglected you.
But you never seem to mind.
You're one in a million.
Once in a lifetime.

When you smile.
It's the greatest prize.
I'm in heaven.
I'm in paradise.

When I close my eyes.
I see your face.
The touch of your hands.
And the way you embrace.

If I'm in trouble.
All I need to do is call.
Cause I know you'll be there for me.
I know you'll catch me if I fall.

You shine like a lighthouse.
And you showed me the light.
And then I see that life.
Is not only black and white.

I believe in love.
The everlasting kind.
But true love and lust.
Are separated by a mere thin line.

I love you for who you are.
For everything you say.
And no matter what happens.
You will never be replaced.

So now you know my feelings for you.
Is not like eating jam and toast.
Our fairytale is full of love.
It's called Amor Infinitus.

|ll|ll|l||ll||ll|l|ll|
c0pyyrighttedd ; [-gabrielle-]

click here to go to my new blog skin!!

Friday, May 05, 2006

wow.

i have been missing for nearly a week!! ok, less then that, but nearly. some family issues to attend to. was not able to blog cuz i didnt have the guts to admit the black and white facts which was smacked right at my face.

for those who care, my beloved grandmother passed away on monday.

it was expected, yet shocking. mum, dad and i visited her in the morning but she couldnt eat. or rather, she refuses to open her mouth to eat. just laid there, staring into blank space. she's been like that since saturday.

mum cut her nails, cleaned her ears and we sat there, staring along with her. after visiting, i went to meet the calamarians, promising to visit in the evening again. had pizza and alot of fun with kraken and aule. after eating, we wanted to go to party world.

at the paragon, laode had to do his forfeit because he was late. it was when dad called me. honestly, i was pissed. because i heard mum crying her heart out, yet he refuses to tell me what happened. he wanted to speak to a friend.

i passed my phone to hongkai and after he hung up, i questioned him. he refused to tell me, but i knew anyway. until now, i still cannot believe i cried infront of the paragon, with makeup, wearing a miniskirt. i couldnt be bothered.

somehow, i totally lost my ability to cry like how i used to. consider me coldhearted, i cannot accept the fact tt she's gone. even up til now it feels like a dream. it's just too 'real' to be true. i dont want to accept it, yet i have to.

i need to cry.

we had to go to the police post to get the death cert. the policeman there was so stupid. he spelt 'parkinson' as 'oarkinson' and 'kwong' and 'kown'. when pointing to his mistake (because i refused to talk the whole day), he didnt even know no shit. stupid.

well, when she 1st laid on the metal bed, it didnt seem so. but when she was in that coffin, i wanted to just breakdown and cry and drop dead. but i couldnt. why? because i was given the responsibility to look after my nanny. that responsibility i have to hold, because she was the one who played a part in my up bringing.

i held strong. but i'm only 16. i just want someone to be right beside me, to hold me tight n tell me its all ok, just there for me to cry and breakdown. but everyone was emotionally unstable. swts, and everyone else once told me to seek my own freedom b4 looking out 4 others.

i just cant.

foolishness on my part, but these people are my family. dad was the only one who remained sane. but his job, mum. my brother and sister-in-law had their daughter. and i, my nanny. how can i leave her in the lurch, knowing she has high blood pressure?

although i stood strong on the cremation day, i was the only one in tears when we picked the ashes. my parents made a joke in the car though.

because my grandmother bought her own urn when my grandfather died (matching ones leh) and they placed it in the nidge (is tt how u spell it?) together. so when grandma passed away, they had to break open the whole ting to get the urn out. ting is, they couldnt leave my grandfather's there cuz the urn is made of real soild marble.

so the guy carried 2 urns to mandai. the joke: grandfather had to go all the way to mandai, to fetch grandmother back to mount vernen. wow. when have u heard of such a ting?

in anycase, i stoned while tinking about her when the calamarians were playing with the birthday cake ytd. hongkai snapped me out of it, telling me not to think about her. i just cant stop. they were casually talking abt how they spent bds. i spent all of my 16 bds with my grandmama.

memories.

yes, memories. the thing that either makes u, or breaks u.

4 days have passed yet i'm still in a daze. possibly the most painful moment now, is having to face the cold hard fact that i'm the only one in this battle. its a war i have to fight myself, with myself.

today is the fifth of may. so special, yet so normal.

it hurts, alot.

Permalink.

IDreamtOfYouAt.

9:36 PM

[-THE.love*--] flows from your heart