- ii justt needd somee timee. *

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

DEPRESSED.

mum treated me lyk fuckshit today.i duno wad i did wrg.

found out tt i woke up late this morn.wanted to watch x-men b4 i took my shower.so i laid on the sofa while she ironed her clothes.5mins after the show started,she suddenly said 'u haven wash ur shoe rite?!'

and she started scolding me.didnt wana hear anymore.went to soak my shoes.and took my shower.x-men ended when i came out. *sobs*

went downstairs for breakfast.she acted as if i offended her terribly.almost cried.but i didnt.

reached hm at bout 1.and she started scolding me agn.so i went to scrub my shoes.she took a nap and told me to wake her up at 3.

she woke up b4 3 on her own.and she behaved as if i was the culprit tt woke her up.

i changed and we set off.went to c my granny.i wore my old pair of slippers cuz my new 1 is not seasoned and it hurt my feet.she scolded me becuz i refused to wear my new slippers.i told her it hurts.plus we're walking long distances.she argued tt i needed to season it.

she ended the conversation by saying 'duno la.do wad u wan!'.and i wore my old pair of slippers.her expression was lyk 'grr.i wana eat u up!!'

we didnt tok much on the bus.actuallie,we didnt tok at all.acted lyk strangers.

at westmall,we looked at some shoes at noda.i complained abt the shoes dere.she kept asking me to try but none of them seemed to fit my feet.she told the lady 'thank u' and juz walked off lidat.

so i followed her and went to the foodcourt.she looked at all the foodstalls and stopped at the japanese cusine 1.she asked if i wana share with gramps and i said 'she cannot finish den i eat la.' and she said to me 'haiya dun wan eat say la'[sth lidat].she sounded irritated.i suppose it's my fault hurhs?

then she asked if i wanted to drink coffee.i said no and she said 'maii den shua.'[dun wan,done.] i mean i reali dun wana drink ma.and she got pissed.my fault agn.

she sat at the other corner and i took the food over to her table.she looked at the food and asked y got no soup.i was lyk 'i duno?' and she glared at me.so i said i go ask the lady and she said 'nvm la!!!' in an irritated tone.

so she finished her coffee and we went to the basement and looked at the food dere.she asked if i wanted dumplings and i nodded my head.she asked how mani i want and i said '2'.den she was lyk 'buy 2 den dun buy better.4 la!!!!' so i nodded my head agn.

after buying the dumplings,she looked at the cookie shop opposite.she asked if i wanted cookies and i said no.den she diao me,said 'dun wan,done' and walked off.i was lyk 'wat the fuck?' and some lady heard me.i didnt give a shit.

so she walked to the mrt station and wanted to top up her card.the topping up place was closed.so i told her the control station can.she diaoed me and walked dere.there was a 'q' and she glared at me as if it was my fault tt so mani ppl was lining up.

nth much happened on the mrt.just tt she asked me to sit and i said '2 stop onlie' and diao-ed me agn and looked away.i turned ard and almost cried.

my face turned from red to black.when we reached cck,i acted as if the whole world offended me.and so did she.

bumped into sister iris on the way.mum didnt c her i guess.and i tink sister noticed tt sth was wrg with us.or at least mum.she gave me the 'relax and give in' look.

our whole journey was intense.we didnt tok to each other.i looked lyk a spy trying to follow her. -_-"

the food was a lil hard so i ate it for gramps.and it's lyk a habit for us to call the seniors before we eat.and the seniors are supposed to answer back den we can start eating.gramps told me to eat.mum didnt answer but i ate on anyway.

she was verii hostile to me.but she was so gentle to the nurses.hmpf.

her back was itchy and she asked me to scratch for her.my nails are damn long.so i didnt use much force.she told me to scratch harder and i told her my nails r long.she said 'tt's y i ask u to scratch right?!!!!!!!!'

so i used more force and she pushed me away and told me 'bu gan xin den go away la!!'[not willing den go away la].damn i almost cried.fuck.damn happy i have long nails.i would have been happier if i had a penknife.fucking shit.i'm not a ting la.i'm a HUMAN.

dug my nails into my flesh lyk wad i always do.if onlie it was sharp.i should have drank detergent!!!!!!

went downstairs and waited for dad.dad came and he treated mum sooo nicely.she told him to help her scratch and he said 'later my nails hurt u la' in cantonese.she practicallie pushed him away and told him 'dun wan help me den done la.if my hand cannot reach i wont ask u help lerh lah!!' in cantonese.

i was shocked when he scolded her 'gam sun fu hui tai yi shang la.fatt meii ye mang zhang la!!'[ if u're in such 'agony' den go c doctor la!!so frustrated for wad?!] den silence.

stayed away from mum at home.sticked with daddy.i'm fucking depressed nw.i had tots of gng to the police station,slap an officer and beg him to send me to the girls' home.afterall,she did intend to send me there last yr.

she's slpin nw and i'm fucking happy.

i wish i could die now.

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IDreamtOfYouAt.

10:11 PM

[-THE.love*--] flows from your heart